Why? That is the question I have been asked a lot lately as I say goodbye to the ones I love and the people I have worked with for the last year. There are two answers to that question. The first answer is One. One person. One heart. That is why I want to go on this trip. I know I am normally a big picture person, but my focus has completely changed on this trip. I’m no longer concerned about ending human trafficking. Although I would love for that to happen and I want to be part of ending trafficking, my focus on this trip is the one girl, or the one child, the one missionary, that I connect with, that I build a relationship with. I just want to go and love the people I interact with. The one person in my environment that day. I want to love so big that the only explanation for my response to a person is God. I know that I can not do one thing for the people I will get to interact with. I also know that God can provide everything that they need. My heart is for the people I get to meet to see Jesus and know His love.
The second answer to that question is the most important reason I am going. Me. I know that sounds selfish but it is true. I know that I will learn and receive more on this trip than anyone I interact with or serve. This trip is about people finding freedom and coming to know a really awesome God. But the reason I am the one specifically going is because I am the one who has something to learn from setting captives free in the name of Jesus.
On Sunday I was talking to a man and he simply said “This trip is going to wreck you. Are you ready for that?” My answer to that question is I am desperate to be wrecked. I know that this version of who I am will get on a plane in 16 days and fly to Cambodia. Somewhere in the next five months this version of me will die. I know that this trip is to push me farther into my relationship with my maker, and part of that is the death of my flesh. Honestly this is a bit scary because as cocky as this sounds I really like who I am. I think I am fun and I would totally hang out with me. So to know that I won’t come back the same is scary . As I say goodbye to all of my friends I realize they and I will never know this girl again. I am also so excited about this truth. I want to live, look and love more like Christ. Paul got it right in Philippians when he said everything else is rubbish compared to knowing Christ. Nothing matters more than knowing Jesus more. NOTHING! I want to do whatever it takes to know Christ more so being crucified with Him is not even a question but it is the only option I feel like I have. So even though I hate to see this version of me go I am excited to be the new version of me and I am desperate to know my father more. I am desperate for the next chapter in my relationship with maker. As much as I like who I am today I can no longer stay here. I must be moved, I must be shaken, I must be wrecked. I need to be changed and transformed. The more I know God the more I need to know Him. God is so good and I am literally dying for more of Him.