Confession: I’m an ambitious, people pleasing, control freak

Hey everyone. It has been a while. To find out why I’m writing blogs again check out the about me section of the blog. It will save us all time. Also I have posted all my favorite World Race Blogs on this site so check them out. Now down to business.

Here it comes. Confession time. It’s awkward for me, since I want to be perfect, and now I am aware that I am not. It is intriguing to you because you get to see where I mess up in life. It’s like watching a train wreck or reality t.v., or Snooki.   It is a win-win situation.

My confession today is this: I’m an ambitious, people pleasing, control freak.  I have been home from the mission field for almost five months. That is longer than I was actually gone, and the truth is I don’t have any more of a plan today than I did five months ago. I have no idea what is next. I have no long-term goals set, no ten-year life changing plans. I have no idea how to get where I want to be.

That’s not true. I do have a plan. That’s the control freak part. I have it all figured out. Who, what, where, when, and even the why. I think I know how God will be most glorified, while I am the happiest, most comfortable version of me that I can be. Gross! Right? I have tied up everything with a pretty little bow, and I have expected God to give it to me. Just to fill you in, He said no. What I guess I should say is, I don’t know what God’s ten-year life changing plan is. It is driving me crazy. I am ambitious, and I like to work towards things. I love to dream big, and work hard enough to earn that dream. I also like to please people. The truth is lots of people expect more from me than just working at a shopping mall, babysitting kids, and planning some ministry events. I want to live up to those expectations. I want to be liked, valued, and respected, as a person, and a leader in my community.

In the last paragraph I used the word I about 1000 times. That seems to be the problem. I want a lot of things. I expect a lot of things. I pursue a lot of things. I’m finally to the place where I am asking God what He wants. What He has. What He wants me to do. I don’t have an answer except for wait. I hate that word. Wait. Even though I hate that word, I know there is something worth waiting for. God’s plan is better than mine. I’m trusting Him to lead me. The hardest part of letting God lead me is that I don’t get to earn what He has. God gives grace which means, I don’t get to earn but only receive. I SUCK AT RECEIVING! Add another thing to my to-do list on pinterest. Become better at receiving.

So for now I take it day by day. I’m trying to love others well, receive graciously, walk in daily obedience, and wait for God to speak. Maybe that was God’s plan for me all along.

Are you stuck in phase of life where you are waiting?

Any tips on enjoying the waiting period?

What are your life plans?

Lets have a discussion. Comment, or e-mail. I really want your thoughts.

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