I wrote a blog today about my response to Charleston and how God responded to me.
Disclaimer: I wrote this blog in like 15 minutes and did not proofread it. This is not how I intended to enter back into the blogging world but what God spoke to me is heavy on my heart. So I ask for tons of grace with the grammar and content of this blog
I’ve been sitting and praying about what happened to our brothers and sisters in Charleston. Feeling broken hearted and almost useless.
You see I know the answer to the problem. It’s obvious that the answer is Jesus and the church in our love for Jesus and His people intervening in days like this where there is so much oppression. Racial oppression, oppression in the LGBT community, oppression over women, actual slavery. These things are real and the problem is massive. It is impossible to overcome.
This morning I caught myself sitting in how impossible this situation is. Sitting in the knowledge of how small I am and how enormous the brokenness of our world is feeling almost tortured by having the answer to the problem and feeling like I can’t do anything with the solution.
So I asked God, actually confronted Him about what He would like me to do. I expressed to Him how massive the darkness feels, how apathetic the church appears to be, and how useless I feel in actually being able to bring change to something so consuming.
Then He whispered to me in grace and kindness as He often does, “This. Do this. Wrestle with me. Bring this heartache to me. It comes from me. You are right. I am the answer so give me the problem. Battle here with me. (Just a little clarification not against Him but with Him.) You will get the strategy you want when you fight in prayer for these things. Baby girl to get the answers you’ve got to fight in the war.”
So to those who feel oppressed I am sorry I’m not always willing to spend what is required to give you a voice. I am sorry I choose my comfort over your freedom. I’m so sorry. I’m trying to seek God and learn how to love you well from Him. He is fighting for you freedom and I am going to choose to fight with Him.
There you have it. If we want to see change, we have to fight in the war. The not so glamorous part of that is most of the war is fought in prayer and then followed through with action. The awesome part is that it is fought in the presence of a kind and gracious God who will give us all we need to overcome if we will just wrestle with Him a bit.
So who’s in?