Guess who’s back? Back again…
It’s been a minute. Or a few years. But who’s counting?
You could ask me where I’ve been, and I could give you a hundred mostly true answers. The real big hard truth is I lost my way a bit and in that, I lost my voice.
Now when I say I lost my way, I don’t mean I’ve had some huge moral failing or walked away from my faith, or anything dramatic like that. I just lost sight of who I am a bit, who I want to be, what I love, and how to talk about all the important things in a genuine and authentic way.
A long time ago I started writing in this space, and I did so because I wanted to create a space to tell stories, your stories, my stories, all the stories. I wanted to have a place where we could wrestle through the hard things, ask the daunting questions, and come out knowing the true and good character of God. When I lost my way, I lost my ability to talk about those things in a way that felt honest and true to who I am but also who I believe God is. So I just stopped talking.
Then 2021. It was a year. Oooof. Did I mention it was a doozy? My entire life literally changed. Last year I had three different jobs, I moved states, Life as I knew it was over. I lost a lot of community. People I deeply loved ignored me in public, assumed the worst about my character and dismissed me for the sake of the mission. It was full of grief and heartache. My trust in God’s goodness and His heart for what is best for me was really put to the test.
It wasn’t all terrible either though. Actually, it was pretty amazing. I gained some new amazing community, experienced more of God’s favor in 3 months than I have in my whole life, and stepped into some things I had been praying about for a long time. Something else so important happened last year. I discovered parts of me that I thought were long gone, were actually still very much part of me. Not only are they are part of me but I discovered that I need those parts of me to thrive. I found some of the very best parts of me were just tucked away under the surface and with finding those pieces, I’m finding my voice again.
I read a post someone had written that said “Father forgive me for the times I desired a seat at a table you would’ve flipped.” I was so convicted by this thought. How many times had I longed for a voice at a table that wasn’t honoring to God? But then my friend Blessin had to take it one step further as she always does because she indeed is the very best. She challenged the people in her circle to just start their own table. The kind that Jesus doesn’t want to flip. I’m sorry… What? She’s a genius, friends.
Right now we live in a time where cancel culture reigns. We want to cancel those we disagree with, and flip the tables they sit at. What would happen though if we started making our own tables, and creating spaces so those who are out of place could find a home? What if we shifted our focus from our own achievements and the tables we weren’t invited to and took all of that energy, that hurt, our experiences, our striving and put it into creating spaces where everyone has a space to ask hard questions, wrestle through their faith, or simply just find a place to take a rest. What a different world it would be if we did that. Simply put what a different church we would have.
That’s why I’m back. Because my voice is coming back stronger than ever and I want to use it to create a table where we can all find a spot to sit as we recklessly pursue a Holy and Gracious God. Because let’s get real, the pursuit can be messy and hard. It can also be freeing and hopeful. This table is a place for it all and there will be no canceling here.
No matter your background, baggage, gender, religion, opinions, skin color, or age. You can sit here.
So pull up a chair, have a rest for your weary bones, bring your coffee, and tell me what do you want to talk about?
In Reckless Pursuit,