In my last post, I started answering the question, “Why are you still single?” This is one of the most frequently asked questions I get, so I thought we should discuss it.
Often times, I think because I’m single people assume I must be lonely. That I’m just waiting for my Prince Charming to come, or that I’m actually out looking for him. That it must be hard for me to enjoy life alone. I mean, life alone is pretty terrible. I think the misconception here is that I’m alone.
A couple of months ago, I wrote a post about my college friends. I mentioned that they had ruined my dating life. Here is how they did it. They taught me how to live in community, and spoke value over me, and I was able to watch the guys pursue a girl. When I left for college, I had little self-esteem or value. I had no idea what my gifts were, and what my calling in life might be. Community changed these things. It’s hard to be lonely when people are calling out life in you.
The men from that group of friends have loved me, honored me, and fought for me the way that godly men fight for their sisters. They weren’t and still aren’t, even as married men, afraid to speak to my beauty. If they think I look good, they tell me. Obviously in a way that is respectful, and honoring to their wives. For instance, “hey you, you clean up well.” translates in brother language to “you look nice today”. When I wasn’t sure of my talents, they called them out. They fought for me to have a platform when I wasn’t allowed one. They prayed over me more times than I could count. They really showed me how I should be honored by a guy.
Part of the reason they could treat me this way is because they made it clear when they were pursuing a girl. I was never worried that there were hidden feelings behind their actions. There was room for honesty. I was able to see them honor me, and also pursue other girls, and I could see what the differences should be.
Since college, more friends have come into my life to be my community, and more men have come to honor me. God has used them to take great care of me, which speaks volumes to what God believes about my value. So what does this all add up to? Now I have terribly high standards. I don’t date to find value, or date for attention, because I live in community. Now, I only date because I’m interested in the person I’m dating. I also expect to be honored. Only men who know the Lord know how to honor others. I also now know my value and know that I’m worthy of pursuit, and I have a pretty good idea of what that pursuit should look like. I have been loved well. If a man is going to date me, he better have his A-game on, to say the least.
My standards are high. Not impossible. Just the kind of guy I’m looking for is few and far between. This is one reason WhyI’mStillSingle.com.
So now it’s your turn. What are your standards? Why are your standards the way they are? Have any advice for me?